A damn piece of an oak tree snapped from its branch during one of our afternnon thunderstorms today. I never really knew he was even there. As I was driving home, it looked like a good one was about to roll in. I was checking all my vantage points , when I notice some shit stuck to my winsheild wiper...A hunk of about 10 leaves and a small branch from the oak tree I Parked under at work....
The storm wasnt quite there and regular 5 oclcok driving in Orlando resumed, which is not nearly as simple and easy as this story makes it sound, theres some anger, some tension, some blaming of our city system for letting it get this bad, but the only thing that kept REALLY taking the focus of my negetive energy was this stupid EMM EFFIN BRANCH that I wanted to leave...and leave now.
As I meandered my way home, giving the stick all kinds of evil and hopefull eyes, the storm came..Finally got to turn on my windsheild wipers without them dragging pathetically along my dust-pollen-bug infested window...these things are barley alive to begin with, no way the could have withstood the abuse....but the rain, it came down and the wipers went into action...with this effin piece of branch flapping in my face. Back and Forth Back and Forth, all the time rain coming down so hard that the drive home was reduced to limited speed and visibility. Back and Forth Back and Forth...traffic, shitty drivers, zero visibility, and a stupid branch...and then....gone...The branch flew away..Finally..I smiled and the whole stupid drive wasnt quite as annoying anymore. Man, I hated that branch.

Sometimes my cats see stuff that just isn't there..... Im starting to actually think about trying some cat-nip.

This is an open letter to some of the most feared, malicious, cold and calculated killers out there. If you are a serial killer, please stop reading now. Ditto for you mid-range highway snipers. This is for you, Mr. - Ms. - or Mrs. Trained Assassin.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I have been on this earth for damn near 30 years, Most of the time in Orlando Fl, with certain stints in Tallahassee and a piece in Tampa. Tampa was a pretty big city, and granted, I didn't spend much time down in the financial district, nor any back-area, poorly lit, quiet Industrial plazas, so I can see why I may have have just missed out. Tallahasse, by contrast was a small town, but chaulk full of important, politico and political types. Lots of Senators, Lobbiest, Good Ole Boys.etc...... But I do concede that alot of that time (college) I was flat out drunk or reeling from a delirium du jour. So once again, may have happened. Then theres Orlando, Now fuckin A - I've spent more time here than anywhere, know all the ins and outs, the gossip, the crowds, the cliques, the terrain, the towers, and grassy knowls....pretty much every square inch, and like I said...been here forever, and still nothing...
Recently I've noticed a trend, the world around me, that is the media and advertsing around me...has been saturated by romanticized versions of your occupation of choice. Movie after Movie, Song Lyric after Song Lyric, and used as one of those 'just the culture of the times' icons...all that shit...I'm starting to think is a flat out effin farce.
I know you wake up and put your pants on one leg at a time...There must be those times when you just say "eff it all - Im not taken that guy out today, It was a ruff night" - or "Damn, I forgot, It's my sisters birthday, crap, Ill just hafta sneak past those cuban guards with dark sunglassess, Silently enter the room..lay in wait and wait and wait, then slit the kingpins dudes throat - only to be discovered..put up a hell of a fight against the four men you intially snuck passed, who were concelaing automatic weapons under their coats. Take them all out with things you picked up after flipping across the dining room into the kitchen a grabbing every george foreman grill or cheese grater you can get your hands on - procede to blow up the building, send a huge atomic fireball blasting thru the neighborhood, igniting three square blocks, get noticed by not only members of the cartel, but also the FBI - go on a massive car chase, wreck 17 cars, and end up hiding behind a newspaper in the park as the world around flows by without notice.. tomorrow. I just dont have time to do that and run by wal-mart and get a present...Damn my boss is gonna be pissed!". I mean, your just human.
But heres the deal, you havent been doin shit lately. The world is a connected place. Nothing happens anywhere in the world without it being known everywhere almost instantly. Thirty years, multiple cities, living in a connected world and still I havent read one story of a block getting blown up? - a fire catching and ravaging an enitre wharf district? - a trail of seventy dead men three miles long until tracks vanish? or even a single mother fuckin run of the mill sniper hit that wasnt solved... in fuckin years. My lifetime at that - so were done. It's over. Im not believing or supporting your lifestyle anymore. Im never goin to see another assasin movie, I will shudder with the thought of even seeing a cartoon with an assasin like character, call your hollywood buddies and tell them its over. Your played out. Your done. Finished. Caputs..Fuck you assasins..its your own damn fault, shouldve never sold out to the dirty execs there in tinsel town and become a queer shill of the assasin you once were...

Sincerly,
Me

Its a slow day here in the office, I created a new community on LJ, Worked my website some, found the end of the internet..etc... (just like most days around here lately). But the slow work atmosphere has also left my mind adrift, and something popped into my head....

Whatever happened to that shit cannon that the U.S. Government has been working on?

Now this was a great weapon, at the first sign of danger, a mounting riot, or just to clear the way, we could employ a sonic or acustic wave that would have the intended targets doubling over, unable to hold the mounting pressure on their bowels any longer, giving into utter embarrassment and the ultimate defeat as a molten lava flow of poo geisers from their ballon-knot.

Just the minds eye of this situation nearly had me laughing out loud, especially given our current situation as a nation at war and the thought of some of those terrorist bastards over there writhing on the ground, wallowing in feces....... and then it occurred to me.... The Shit Cannon must only be deployed as a miltary weapon, not in use domestically...

While everyone fears the shit cannon, just knowing that it could never be used on me would be a must in order for me to support it. Look at what cops are doing with tazers today. I certainly dont want to be poo-shot by a cop for a simple traffic stop, or because he thought it would calm me down. In fact, once I defecated myself, it would prolly have the reverse effect and turn me from a polite,curteous, evolved human and make me one pissed off primitive dung throwing Monkey. But I digress.

And what about aiming this thing, the last thing I need is to be walking along , minding my own god damn bidness and this deer jumps out and hits my gdamn my car...err.....that was somthing else..I mean walking along minding my own business and a near-do-well or a rapscallion starts some friction in a crowd. It becomes apparent that this man can only be safely controlled by one thing, and that happens to be to make him grab his stomach, belch a wretched sound, and splat butt-mudd all in his pants...But wait, can they do that, can they just hit him? or am I goin to be cought up in the friENDly fire? Victim to CollASSteral Damage.. I sure hope they can tune this thing right on into a specific person if need be, I certainly dont deserve to be made to drop a load in pants......ever.

....hmmmmmm...the shit cannon!....use it internationally, spare us domestically....I like that!

Current Mood: working

Today is one of those days where I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. The dinosaurs in my office can't even decipher between the internet, intranet, and network....they just lump them into one big godlike being where everything that they don't know about or understand must exist and be possible...and they are quite positive(they must have read an article in the Post) that this "internet" is all the rage and things magically happen really easily. Magically happens, that is, when the gatekeeper summons his awesome powers and mumbles an archaic text, undoubtly learned in some forbidden manuscript unavailable to them, and with a quick few key strokes *poof* the "internet" lives and anything and everything they dreamed about the "internet" is so...all within seconds of a request....

Well guess who that gatekeeper is around these parts? Fucking, me.

Guess who has to explain the difference between the internet, the intranet and the network time after time? Fucking, me.

Guess who knows the difference between the "Glowing thing" (monitor)on my desk where i can see websites (internet) and the place where "Bob set it up so i could see things on the "internet", you know it says r:governmentt and then like file names" (the network)and still makes poverty-peanuts compared to there 6 figures? Fucking, me.

Guess who would rather be fishing or working on my Fishing Website, rather than sitting in here with these dinosaurs? Fucking, me!!!

Current Mood: frustrated

Well, I guess my first blog is about blogs...Thought I'd finally join up with the other buttloads of peeps online and start a little spot where I can share my thoughts and post curse laden rants about the world around me. Its prolly not good to be repetetive on my blog topics, but i'm already starting to feel that tomorrows blog post may have sumthin to do with how effin frustrated and fed up with stupid dumb blogs I have become..but why avoid the innevitable...im goin to scram and go try to get this thing lookin a bit better as not to offend any unforntunate bastard thats stumbles on in heres eyes. Lates

Current Mood: hopeful